If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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