Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
