it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
