We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I cut my penus on the lid.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
