Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize