every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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