Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
