Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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