I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize