Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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