I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize