After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
