Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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