Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
