I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
