Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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