A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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