youre lurking in front of me
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize