I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You are the jesus of drinking
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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