thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize