is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize