i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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