Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
