I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
