I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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