What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
