Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just want to make out with him forever
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
