I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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