i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
