Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
