Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize