and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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