How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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