I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
