well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
