I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
