I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it hurts more in the daytime
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
