I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
