I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
