do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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