I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
