that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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