Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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