kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Randomize
