How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
