I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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