Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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