Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
