He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
