I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
