Can i not drive my cunt home
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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