I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I understand Curling. That high.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
