If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
