The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
