I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
