She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
