Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
