i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
