There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
why do cheetos always look like penises
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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