i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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