Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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