He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize