My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
