you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Vodka?
Forever.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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