At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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