You don't have asthma, your pregnant
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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